Though my time and experience on this planet of ours has been brief, and though I’ve many paths left to trek (and am working on paving my own), I realize that I have journeyed on a path shared by most. That path is one of devotion to what may be right in the eyes of others, of your peer group, of society, and so ourselves; yet one that is ultimately wrong for you. We’ve all wasted our truly precious time in fruitless, toxic relationships; holding on by the threads of our thin, frayed heartstrings, clutching to the hope that something, anything, will change and mend us. We’ve spent countless hours at a job that views us as simply indentured servants, or on a career path that’s been beaten by security and toleration instead of daringness and passion. I, like so many of us, have ventured on and these fools’ errands. However, somehow, somewhere, after running back to base from one of these many outings, I hit a crossroad. I stopped in my tracks. I looked left, then right, then left again. I glanced over my shoulder. I then looked forward, blankly, dazed, confused. And at once, an insatiable need drove me to leave my base behind, to start anew with nothing but the wind in my face and the clothes on my back. So, I bolted from that crossroads into the dense forest adjacent to it, and I’ve been running ever since.
The base I’m referring to is of course the hub in which my now forsaken worldview once existed. A worldview that consisted of constant self-sacrifice. A worldview shaped, molded, and manipulated by those many preconceived notions and values practiced, but not my own, that were gathered and soaked up by the sponge that was my influential, naïve heart. A worldview that allowed the harmful, ignorant opinions of peers, the commands of my elder confidants, and senseless perceptions of my surroundings guide my mind. Yet would not let the voice that controls its every act give its input. The foolish pursuits I lost myself in were in all the aspects of the previous paragraph. I tried to love and save a toxic girl from herself, who although lusted, did not love me back. I was intentionally blind to that and would come back to base to re-evaluate at every instant reality crept its ugly form into my mind. I stood my ground in an occupation where any ounce of compassion was maliciously milked from my soul and used for the most wolfish of purposes. Where the only reward I reaped was a new sense of jadedness and a profound opportunity to witness corruption in its most raw form. I attempted to conquer a field of work in which I received no satisfaction. One that would bless me with security, but tear at me with its monotony. Luckily, I failed at or left these pursuits, and each time ran back to base to consult what I thought was myself. It was then, after all of this, I left that base for the final time and wandered onto a crossroads.
Just before I bolted to make my own path, in that state of sudden confusion, I finally let that voice in my head that had been repressed for so long speak. I can’t remember for the life of me what it said that caused me to run off on my own, but I’d like to think it let me know that I couldn’t continue filling other cups if mine were empty. And oh, how nearly empty it was. So, I feel I sprinted off to fill my cup for once, and I’ve been trying oh so hard to fill it since. On my own path so far, I’ve taken in so much. I’ve been living for myself. I’ve realized my own values and put them to practice. I’ve accepted my true worldview from the ruins of my fool’s errands: do what you love, and love what you do. Love who your heart wants to, not who you think it needs to. Stop wallowing in the suffering of your current situation. Despite what others may think or feel, change it. Seek something you feel is worth devoting your time to. Quit pursuing what you think is security and opt out for what brings light to your eyes. I’d never dare to say that it’s easy, but leave your base, find your crossroads, and beat your own path.